Skip to main content

Posts

Quarantine life in a nutshell

I laugh at the t-shirts, and memes I have seen created since the "social distancing" has become our new normal.  I nod my head in agreement with the jokes that say that some of us have been preparing for social distancing our entire lives.  But the truth is, I miss my life.  I miss my routine.  I miss the smiling faces of my clients.  I miss greeting the mail man and paper guy each day at work.  I miss gently bullying my coworkers each day.  I miss having a reason to get out of bed, and to get myself dressed and dolled up for the day.  And I miss the certainty that each day seemed to hold prior to March 24, when the stay at home order was issued.
For a virus that a majority of us will never contract, COVID-19 has affected all of us more than we ever thought possible.  
Over night, I went from a full-time working, salon owning, boutique owning mom, to a stay at home, homeschooling mom.  Not a role I ever saw myself in.  And let me say, hats off to you ladies that do this eve…
Recent posts

To the man who loves me next...

First of all, let me say thank you.  Why thank you?  Because obviously you are special enough that I am willing to let you in... willing to take the risk of being hurt again.  That must mean that you have shown me something that made me think you must be different... so thank you.

Next, let me apologize.  I'm damaged.  Broken.  I won't be easy to love.  Your job loving me will be a tough one.  I don't know how much of my heart I have left to give, although I promise, to the right person, I will give all I have to give.   I'm insecure, anxious, I overthink, and the only thing I am certain of, is that people leave.  I will push you away when I feel like you're getting too close, and just hope and pray that you fight your way back in.  When given too much time to think, I will try to talk myself out of loving you.  I will convince myself of all the reasons you are certain to leave.  And I will probably try to tell you about all of those reasons....  I'm working on …

Finding Cora: part 2... deeper in the process

This is going to get raw.  Proceed with caution.

We have now reached the ugly part of the divorce.  Anyone who has gone through this knows what I'm talking about.  You know the part, where the gloves come off.  The part where the hurt isn't as fresh, and the person that walked away is no longer feeling guilty for hurting me.  The part where the sadness has transformed into anger.  The part where you never know which version of that person you are getting for the day, the nice one, or the angry one.  The part where I can ask a simple question and it gets a snarky answer in reply.  The part where I hear the things he is saying about me to people, and I have to pretend it doesn't bother me.  The part where public shame on social media turns into a game, to see how low of a blow can be dealt.  The part where I have to turn the other cheek, and not react.  Where whatever he does is ok, but everything I do is wrong.  Where it's ok for him to move on, but not ok for me to do …

Finding Cora

I am getting divorced.  There, I said it.

This journey has been an incredibly painful one.  Painful knowing my marriage is dissolving right before my eyes, painful self reflecting, painful knowing there are things I could have done better, and painful questioning whether or not I ever knew this person that I thought I would be spending the rest of my life with.  In a matter of a few signatures, I will watch all of the dreams and plans we had made together disappear.

The whole way home from that lawyer's office I cried.  I had just felt like I was hovering outside of my body, watching as we parted off all of our possessions, and things we had worked for our entire married life, and before.  I thought of our wedding day.  Of all of the promises we made to each other, of all of the dreams we had, all of the love.  I have watched the years whittle away at those dreams, and those feelings, leaving both of us feeling defeated, and no where near where we thought we would be over 9 years l…

Ichthyosis Awareness month 2019- how I am feeling after 16 years of my child's diagnosis

To the parents with a child with special needs,

I want you to know.  It's ok.  If you don't feel like you can be the face of your child's disease, or if you do feel you can, it's ok.  Either way, you're doing a good job.

Today is May 1, which kicks off Ichthyosis awareness month each year.  This is the time of year where I am supposed to use my voice and educate the world about Ichthyosis, and how it affects my daughter and my family.  This is where I'm supposed to tell you that the skin is the largest organ in the body, and its main functions include acting as a barrier against heat and infection, and protecting the body's organs from everything outside.  And when the skin doesn't function properly, it puts everything at risk.  This is where I'm supposed to tell you that ichthyosis, my daughter's skin disorder, is more than "just a skin disorder" and it has affected everything about the normal life that I pictured for her.  But I don&…

When National headlines hit close to home, and affect one of your best friends...

I spent most of this week mad.  Like, really pissed off if I'm being honest.  I went from crying, to fuming mad, to tossing and turning and losing sleep.  Now, I'm on the empowered step that my anger generally reaches.  Here's the story:

An event that made national headlines, and hit news networks all over the nation hit a little too close to home for my comfort.  My dear friend Jordan, and her son Jackson, were kicked off of an American Airlines flight because of their ichthyosis. Yes, MY Jordan, and yes, the disease that Ashlynne has, that brought Jordan into my life, caused her to be discriminated against in a humiliating manner.  No, let me rephrase that... the disease didn't cause it, ignorance did.
When I saw the post online, my jaw dropped.  There's no way, someone saw my beautiful friend, and decided because of her physical appearance that she was not allowed to fly.  I was terrified, and sad for her.  As soon as she text me that they made it safely to the …

What Grief Has Taught Me This Year

Grief-  noun- deep sorrow, especially that caused by someone's death.

But that doesn't begin to cover it.  I have witnessed enough grief in the past twelve months to last a lifetime.  February 11, 2019 marks one year without Justin, 365 whole days.  Three hundred and sixty five days that I have watched one of the people closest to my heart trudge through her grief. 

On February 11, 2018, Justin David Cunningham was found unresponsive in his rodeo trailer.  When he failed to show up to the roping arena where he was competing in a roping that weekend, his friends went looking for him, and found him, fighting for his life on the floor of his trailer, a victim of carbon monoxide poisoning.  His generator was too close to his living quarters, and due to the cold air, and lack of wind, it came back into the trailer, and made our friend a statistic.  One of my very best friends was the love of his life.  She was to drive to Loveland, CO to be with him later in the day.  She never go…