Monday, August 1, 2016

To my sweet baby girl, as you start kindergarten

To my sweet, sweet baby as you get ready to start kindergarten,

Breckyn's pre-school graduation
It can't be time.  How can this be possible.  You are the baby.  Time wasn't supposed to go this fast with you.  I know it sounds so cliché, but it seems like just yesterday we brought you into this world.  Where has the last 5 years gone?  With your older siblings, I was excited for this milestone for them, and for you, I am just sad.  Because I look back and once they started kindergarten, time just flew by.  Everyone warned me, but you can never really fathom how fast it goes until you are in the throes of motherhood.  Now, your sister is starting her last year of middle school, and your brother, his last year of elementary school.  And before long, that will be you.  I promised myself with you, I wasn't going to make the same mistakes I made with them.  I was going to stop and enjoy the little things.  I wasn't going to be too busy to play board games.  I wasn't going to take the little moments that are fleeting, for granted.  I was going to soak up these years before you start conquering the world.  I was going to stop and smell the roses, per se.  I did.  And it still flew by too fast. 

I know you are busy, but will you please take just a second to crawl onto my lap and cuddle? Will you please just humor me?  I know you have things to do, and I know you want to go outside and play with your friends, but I just need a moment.  I want to kiss your baby soft cheeks.  I want to hold you until you fall asleep.  I want to listen to the soothing sound of you breathing.  I want to give you butterfly kisses, and hear that innocent, unapologetic laugh.  Because before long, the nights on the couch watching Nick Jr. will be replaced by sleepovers with friends, boys, school dances, and you hanging out in your room, rather than with Mommy. 

Most would say you are my karma, my mini-me, my payback.  Papa would say you are exactly like me at your age.  Maybe that's why I understand you so well, why I seem to "get it".  I want you to understand that all of those days, where I seemed frustrated, and where I was lucky to even get in the shower, I treasured those days too.  I am so grateful for every moment I get with you.  Don't get me wrong, your strong will has pushed me to the brink of insanity, but I wouldn't trade it for the world.  I know that some day, the house will seem to empty when I am not yelling at you to pick up your shoes, or tear down the blanket fort you have left up in the dining room for 2 days.  And the thought of those days haunts me.  For I know that it is on the horizon. 

You are my fashionista, my diva.  I know we will fight about what you are wearing, and letting me do your hair.  I know you will want to do it yourself.  I know we will fight about you getting up in the morning, and you will beg me for your signature "5 more minutes".  And I know this will continue through your teenage years.  I know this is exciting for you, and I want this for you.  This is natural.  But please be patient with me if I am a little sad.  If you are prepared, I am doing my job.  This is what I was put on this earth to do, to be a mom to you and your brothers and sister.  To prepare you for this big, crazy, sometimes very scary world.  I will try to put on a smile when you are modeling your new school clothes, and your new book bag, and at times, it will be a genuine smile.  But this is so bittersweet.  Before long you won't need me, but it is my hope that one day you will want me. 

Here are my hopes for you:  I hope no one ever clips your wings.  Fly baby girl.  You are my free spirit, my wild child.  But remember, not all who wander are lost.  Let that free spirit of yours guide you through great adventures in this life.  I hope you explore every inch of this world possible!  I hope you accomplish all you set out to do in this life.  I hope use your strong will for good.  You always seem to have a twinkle in your eye, I hope you never lose that.  I hope you always stand up for what is right or wrong.  I hope you are kind.  I hope I have set a good example of that.  I hope you are happy.  I hope you find your passion, and I hope you chase it, along with your dreams.  I hope that one day, you will experience the love I have for you, when you look into the eyes of your own baby, and see a reflection of the child you once were.  But most of all, I hope you know that I have poured every ounce of love I have, every fiber of my being, into being your mommy.  And I hope that you understand, that no matter how many years pass, you will always be my baby.   

Love Always,
Your Mommy

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